The whole world is falling apart these days.
This is the first time I have posted something by someone else, just want to make it clear that I didn’t write this one, enjoy!
By Wendy Cope
At lunchtime I bought a huge orange
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.
And that orange it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.
The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all my jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.
The trees and their branches await the sun,
They conceal their impatience well,
But one day in April their leaves appear,
Revealing their chlorophyll.
Amazed we are, astounded, impressed,
When green leaves suddenly abound,
And before too long, they’re taken for granted,
Until they change color and fall to the ground.
The summer consists of the time between,
A time of ignorance and bliss,
When we fail to remember,
It’s the season we will most sorely miss.
I still have all your letters,
stashed upon my shelf,
I’ve kept them there,
all these years,
as a comfort to myself,
but on the occasion that they’re opened,
and all read through complete,
I realize in my heart of hearts,
my happiness they deplete,
But even so, I keep them there,
to remind me of life’s season,
when I was loved, and loved someone,
and for no other reason,
than love was what there was,
what we had,
what we knew was true,
until I found,
until you admitted,
that it was only me who loved you.
The early morning sunrise, takes you by surprise,
but then it’s mesmerizing, lovely,
and any stress you had from the day or week before,
goes right on out the window and right on in the door,
comes the next day, fresh and clean, bright and new,
ready to be explored.
It’s like the reset button,
people just fail to see.
It’s neglected, passed by, ignored,
but for the few that know it’s there, and push it,
it has the capacity to be…
The sun’s overt deception,
Occurs in tandem with its subtle truthfulness,
Winter has not departed,
Rather it wears the mask of spring,
While simultaneously preparing,
For a coordinated attack,
Mustering its clouds,
The ominous grey soldiers of the sky,
Poised and waiting,
Just beyond the horizon,
Waiting for its deceit to take its full effect,
Before plunging the world back,
Into the cold, white world of winter.
“Speak your mind” is what they say,
Time is done and it’s on to me,
So how can I reflect?
Good friends and brothers are the shiny things of life,
I talk, or sit and think, and slowly I dissect,
Myself, my actions, my essence and my soul,
Sometime silence is just as good as speech,
Forwards and backwards and inwards I go,
Aiming eventually to breach,
Meaning. But before I arrive, Monday does,
Dispersal, separation, but only for a time,
The grind restarts, the trance, the mask,
The inevitable paradigm,
I do my best, the weekend will come,
But Thursday’s as far as I can last.
Movies are an incredible invention. Their initial intention being the conveyance of information, they were quickly adapted to convey much more than that. Today they transmit emotion, ideas, stories, intentions, assumptions, prejudices and everything in between, but the best thing about movies is the extent to which interpretation comes into play. Every movie, despite the best intentions of any writer, director, actor or producer means something different to each person that watches it. Every movie possesses the potential to have a profound emotional, intellectual, or spiritual effect any the one watching it. Every person watches movies in a different way, some analytically, some emotionally but I tend to watch movies in a wholly different way. I was raised in an environment that allowed for very little exposure to TV, I did a lot of reading but I found the time and the opportunity to watch television enough to develop an appetite for it and to maintain that appetite. Since then I am prone to become absorbed in the TV when it is on regardless of the station or show to which it is tuned but I am especially disposed to the magnetic effect of movies. I am profoundly susceptible to the emotional and philosophical intentions of the silver screen. I am far more likely to enjoy and appreciate a movie than I am not and I find this to be an advantage in that I am then able to bring a uniquely positive experience and interpretation away from most movies that I watch. Regardless of the perceived quality of a movie (to an extent) I am able to watch it, immerse myself in it and walk away with a unique lesson learned. This lesson may seem to be utterly unrelated to the topic at hand in the movie but when applied to my life, my experiences, my thoughts, my questions and problems, this conclusion is profoundly and directly related to my life. On lesson that I have learned lately from the movies that I have watched is that “those who wait, lose”. Now, this is of course not universal, but, in my life’s current predicament, it makes sense. I find that my ability to immerse myself in a movie, or maybe my lack of the ability to do otherwise, enables this potential affect and for this I am glad.
Waiting for a good thing is not worth it, it may sweeten the experience when it finally comes to fruition but the time spent in the meantime and the potential for an undesired eventual result are not worth the wait. There may be consequences in the meantime but more often than not they do not nearly outweigh the potential consequences of leaving that which you want to the future. The future is an uncertain thing, a thing that has the potential to be anything, end up anywhere and occur any time. “At the appointed time the promise will come to pass and it will not be one second late” is what the bible says in Habakkuk 2:3 but I say you determine your own destiny, the future is an uncertain place and will surely be an unpleasant place if you do not make an effort to ensure that this will not be the case. Do what you want and do it now, work towards the future that you want to see come to pass, do not leave your future in the hands of any person, god, spirit or fate, take it for yourself, grasp it in your hands and carry it to where you want it to go.
Nick has brought up a very important issue with the way we communicate with each other. The word superficiality is constantly ringing in my ear after reading that post. I experience supercifial interactions everyday: “Hey, what’s up?” they ask, and I respond, “Ah, nothin’ much.” That is my number one response to the question and I hate it. Absolutely hate it. But I respond in that way for a reason. I don’t believe a lot of people actually care about what’s up, so I tell them nothing. People mostly ask me when we’re walking past each other. What are they trying to get out of it? I barely know this person, and he’s asking me while heading in the opposite direction. If he meannt it as a greeting such as, hello, good day, or cheerio, then use an actual greeting phrase, not a question! Don’t pretend to care because I know you’re just going to enjoy some food in the dining hall and completely forget about our encounter.
Perhaps I’m being too uptight. Maybe I should take “what’s up” as a positive gesture and move on with my business, but I can’t help but think about how fake and uncaring it sounds coming out of some people’s mouths. There are some friends who ask me the question mid-walk, and I will try to provide them with a considerate 10-second synopsis but it still doesn’t seem quite right.
The busy lives we lead leaves little time for caring about other people. I have a good number of friends here at USM but I’ve had a great deal of trouble getting close to them. There are a few people I feel comfortable discussing my feelings, but there’s still that uncertainty that they really care. There’s only one person on campus I can tell anything and that’s my girlfriend. While I love the closeness and intimacy we have, I wish I had that with some of my friends here. I wish I could comfortably sit down with one of my friends and talk about life.
But it’s not even at USM. Sometimes I feel that I have an intimacy problem in general. I strive to be open with my best friends but it’s hard for me now and then. I don’t know what it is. I know my dad has the same problem. I’d like to think I am more confident than I used to be, but when I think about it, I suffer from the same self-consciousness I did in all of high school. I don’t talk to people, I don’t spill my emotions because I’m afraid people won’t like me. ‘Tis sad but it’s true. I live too much in my head, thinking about all the possible reactions people could give me and the first ones always seem to be negative.
I know I’m a cool person. I know I’m nice. I know I have decent knowledge of music and related subjects. But part of me isn’t getting the full picture. Part of me doesn’t think I’m worth it. I need to start telling myself that I am worth it, that I am a cool person, that I am nice, that I am worthwhile.
This turned into a Livejournal entry but I’m glad that it did. This post made me realize a few things about myself.